Pockets of Love

Finding the strength to move on from a relationship gone bad can be more difficult than it has to be. Many people feel they need to stop loving their ex-person in order to move on. Sometimes this isn’t the right thing to do and can cause more harm than good.

There’s a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Sometimes you have to love someone from afar because you know you’re no good together, but just because you break up doesn’t mean you have to stop loving somebody.

The breakup alone isn’t enough of a reason to stop loving and this is why it’s hard for people to “get over” their ex, because they’ve been told in order for them to move on they must have no feelings for them. I find the more pertinent part is not in how you feel for somebody else, but in how you choose to express those feelings toward them.

Loving somebody should not be confused with lusting for somebody, just because we love someone doesn’t mean we have an overwhelming desire to express ourselves intimately toward that person. Love isn’t the problem, but the avenue of expression can be, especially if you’re pursuing a new relationship.

The avenue of expression is simply how you express your feelings toward another person. A new relationship may not be possible if you choose to keep kissing or touching another person as your form of expression, however, do not confuse the avenue of expression with the feelings of love.

Feelings are internal, the avenue of expression is the external translation of those emotions.

If you ended your relationship in a manner congruent to irreconcilable differences where there’s not a major fault in the person, but just a major fault in the relationship, then forcing yourself to stop loving someone might be troublesome. If you’re the type of person that can switch love on and off, then perhaps you weren’t really in love to begin with.

There’s no need to force anything, relationships and breakups should happen naturally. The societal rule that says you can’t have feelings for your ex and move on with your life stems from an illogical basis. The premise for such a theory assumes humans only have the capacity to love one person at a time, but human hearts are limitless.

Just because you love somebody doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them nor does it mean that you’ll try to pursue them intimately.

Loving them from afar is perfectly normal and genuine. Each form of love with every individual person is unique, it cannot be replicated. No matter how many people you love or how many different people you say I love you too, it will never be exactly the same between any two people.

Loving your current person and loving your ex is not the same and cannot have the same meaning for each. The person you are with is your current love where you will continue to build memories and spend your time and energy, while all others are past love. You may still keep and build your love for others but you’ll have different primary obligations and commitments in a new relationship.

Lucky for us our heart has many pockets, as many as we want it to have. It acts as a love bank. You can store all of your love in secured vaults in your heart and then close the door on it if you wish. Your heart allows you to preserve all the love you want with whoever you want.

If you think about some of the people in your past you may find that they still have a savings account at your Bank of Love. I’m sure your first kiss or some other significant event is locked away in there because you took how you felt in that moment and stored it away.

Your current love however, the person you are putting your time and energy into now has their own vault, the only difference is that you continually make deposits while you build your love fortune with them.

When their time ends and you finally close that door, moving on with your life is as easy as opening a new bank account in your heart, and making new deposits there.

The capacity for humans to love is infinite. Your current person need not be affected or concerned with how many closed vaults you have, they only need be concerned with how much they are going to add to their own account.

So don’t spend all your time and energy trying to consolidate and close these accounts. It’s a very lonely path, old loves don’t need to die and trying to force something can hurt. Besides, if you spend too much time down in the vaults, you won’t be ready to accept any new customers.

When the love you had for others has been depleted, these accounts will close automatically. There is no need for you to take any action except to keep opening new accounts as you see fit and moving forward with your life.