If you find yourself arguing a lot and feeling like you are beginning to hate the person you once loved then you might be missing out on all the little things that actually matter.
If you find yourself in fights and arguments that don’t make any sense at all — it might be about the little things.
If you find yourself fighting over things that are so small and silly — it might be about the little things.
And if you’ve ever stopped and questioned how you got into these arguments in the first place or why they are even happening — then you might be missing out on the little things.
Some people start frivolous or silly fights over insignificant things because they want your attention. Most o f the time they don’t even know why they are fighting with you. Unfortunately, a compilation of little things can really add up and cause stress to someone so severe that it damages their soul and changes who they are…temporarily at least.
So the arguments may not be legitimate, the fights might be silly, you may even laugh about it later, but what you need to take from it is the emotion that is expressed. Anger, resentment, anxiety, and all the other negative emotions that people hide away on the inside only to let out in a rush later.
The arguments might be fake, but the feelings are real. So where do these feelings come from?
They come from the little things.
So what are little things?
Little things are things that your partner wants that are oftentimes irrelevant to you. You are oblivious to the little things and your partner isn’t going to tell you directly what they are. They will make remarks and comments that you may think nothing of or you may think they are silly, but they are telling you about the little things that are important to them.
For example, when I wake up in the morning often times my body hurts so bad from the cold weather that I stumble out of bed like a zombie and either lay on the couch in the living room, plop down on my computer chair to check my email, or I go lay in a hot bathtub until I feel somewhat functional and finish waking up. At no point during this process do I feel like talking to anyone or acknowledging their existence.
For some reason this agitated my girlfriend who would always say things like, “I thought you would come back to bed and snuggle” or “you didn’t even say good morning”.
To me, I would just say well I didn’t feel good and it wasn’t a good morning for me and I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. So I would hear what she was telling me but I didn’t feel I should have to change or “fake” anything because it was so insignificant to me that there’s no way it had any impact on me, her, or our relationship.
As time went by and I continued to do what I did, her needs kept getting further away from being met. Even though these things were small to me they were a core of her day and something that she absolutely wanted in her life.
Eventually waking up and stumbling out of bed, whether I felt good or not, would turn into a fight or we’d find ourselves arguing a lot about stupid things. This caused negative feelings and feelings of resentment toward each other. This caused our sex life to rapidly diminish and even the act of sleeping next to each other became a burden. There was no longer any romance and no intimacy.
After a heart to heart conversation one day, I began to finally understand some of the things that were important to her that weren’t important to me and she began to understand some of the things she didn’t think were important that we’re really important to me.
Through this communication and respect for each other I now make a mental note that regardless of how I feel I always try to say good morning or I lay in bed an extra 15 minutes longer to snuggle.
This is just one example of a little thing. There are many in each relationship whether you think their are or not.
If you want to improve your relationship, try to figure out what little things are important to your partner, and do something for them that shows you really care.
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