There’s a blog floating around titled “Marriage Isn’t For You” written by Seth Adam Smith.
The title catches readers because it indicates a choice between getting married or not. The article, however, has a twist in the plot. The point of the article is marriage being about the person you marry, not about yourself.
My first thought was, “Wow this guy is seriously whipped.”
I don’t know if the author lost a bet with his wife or he was forced to write this article. Every married person on facebook is sharing this article and tagging their spouse, probably to get more attention.
The author made some good points and I accepted most of what he said. Then I went to sleep and woke up and saw a response to the article that claimed marriage is for God, not for each other. At this point I began to realize all the holes in the “Marriage Isn’t For You” theory.
Marriage is absolutely for you, it’s absolutely for the other person, and it is absolutely about what each other has to bring to the table. But most importantly, it’s about you, your needs, and your expectations for a marriage.
Marriage in the United States is a mutually beneficial legal or religious agreement. In this agreement each person commits to each other with very specific expectations of what a marriage is. This is defined by their vows to each other, their religious beliefs, and the legal aspects of a marriage.
And for those of you that aren’t aware, any time you give and expect to receive, it becomes an agreement advantageous for yourself. It doesn’t matter whether it’s love, commitment, or something else — it is for yourself.
It doesn’t even matter if you’ve volunteered at a homeless shelter and the only thing you get in return is a thank you — it’s still done for yourself. A boost of appreciation, understanding, and a feeling of being needed where you get nothing obvious in return — is absolutely about you.
Are you getting the point?
It is an impossibility to do anything that isn’t for yourself unless you are being physically forced or blackmailed into doing something, and guess what? Even then, It’s still about you, but your attitude might be trying to stay alive or not get hurt, but you’re doing it for yourself.
Life cannot be lived for anyone but yourself — it’s the only thing you really have.
Marriage predates recorded history. It belongs to no single religion, no single state, and its origin is unknown and legendary. It’s a concept that existed since the dawning of mankind, therefore, what any written literature says cannot define what marriage is for you, unless you adhere to what is written.
Anyone that tells you what marriage is supposed to be or what it’s for is only doing so based on their beliefs, they are neither wrong or right. Keep that in mind when others try to define your marriage for you.
If marriage wasn’t for you, there’d be no reason to get married, in a church and/or legally. The fact that you make promises before God and/or sign a piece of paper with a judge and a few witnesses is to protect your interest in the marriage. If your marriage was about the other person, you’d have no interest in the marriage, no need to have witnesses, a legal document, or a church pronounce you husband and wife.
Think about how marriages happen. I bet 99.9% of the proposals are: “Will you marry me?”
Listen to the question, it screams me, me, and me!
I haven’t heard anyone propose by saying “Can I marry you?”, although, I’m sure someone has. This type of proposal would at least align somewhat with the “Marriage Isn’t For You” blog.
The basis of Seths’ blog is harmonic with the law of attraction. You must give to receive. Call it a Wayne Dyer concept if you’d like; you attract what you are, if you give nothing but love, you will receive nothing but love.
But what does any of this have to do with marriage?
Surely you can love, be self-less, and make someone else happy without being married, right?
I’m glad that you agree, now give me a President Obama, “Yes we can.”
Seths ideology depicts a form of marital servitude and I’m not buying it.
Marriage is often ego based. That’s my wife, that’s my family — my, my, and my. Followed by we are happy, we, we, and we. This leads to our, our, and our. Ownership, possession, and ego; that’s what modern day marriage is really about, let’s not kid ourselves.
The divorce rate in the United States is greater than 50%.
People go into a marriage expecting someone else to fill the void in their life. To love them always, to be nice to them, to support them, to take care of them, and to make them happy.
Them, them, and them.
But no matter how much you sacrifice yourself, you cannot make someone else happy. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. Happiness is not about what someone can do for you, who’s in your life, or what you have. Happiness is just a way of being, a way of existing, and a way of doing.
Happiness is an attitude that comes from within and has little to do with serving others, being served, being married, having a family, or anything else for that matter.
Sometimes serving others, owning things, going places, or being served makes us feel happy. But you cannot be truly happy until you no longer require anything to be happy.
Marriage isn’t for you, marriage isn’t for them, and marriage isn’t for God. Marriage is for each other. Your commitments, agreements, and expectations are unique to the two of you and no writing, mine or Seths, can define what your marriage is or isn’t.
At some point you have to realize that being married or not married is irrelevant. If there’s someone you were meant to spend the rest of your life with, you will, without a legal document binding you.
Do not be fooled by the false sense of security a legal document or title will give you, over half these agreements will be broken.
I do appreciate Seth sharing his thoughts with us and his “ah ha” moment of enlightenment that he obtained from his dad. I know that this advice will help readers think about their selfish ways, and hopefully give a little more to their partner, instead of trying to take everything they can get.
For those of you that disagreed, do not attack the author, but thank him instead for sharing his thoughts and revelations on marriage.
Thank you Seth.
Sincerely,
Thomas Van
America!
America!