The Hitchhikers Guide to Cheating and “Ahh Cheat Cheat Mofo Philosophy”

A few days while on a personal journey and a long drive I ended up running across a man who was hitch hiking. His name is Walter and he was traveling and always has traveled great distances by the generosity of other travelers on the open road.

He was on social security drawing his check on the first of every month. He told us that the check gets him by for about 2-3 weeks and that, the last week, which is when we found him, it gets a little bit tough. Here are some hitch hiking tips that I learned from Walter:

1.  Keep clean shaven and clean looking, including not smelling
2. If you can find military duffel bags, use them as your packs, people love veterans
3. Stand on the outskirts of town away from the locals in the direction you are going

He told us when he doesn’t have a ride he just camps, he has a tarp and a few blankets, once it’s dark out he no longer tries to hitch hike.

Our journey with Walter lasted about 70 miles but in that time frame, he had a lot to teach us. Besides the fact he’s a peaceful guy who doesn’t like violence and describes himself as a hippy who likes to party, he also had a great personal philosophy that I will share with you and then further examine (because that’s what philosophy is about right?).

We had learned that Walter had been living with a woman for about 7 years in California. Upon further probing he had told us she died in 2004. Since then he’s not had another long lasting relationship that he told us about. But he talked frequently about relationships and finding a woman. From his own words, “I don’t care what color they are or how old they are, as long as they meet my needs and keep me happy”

We got into further discussion about cheating, I’m not sure how it got brought up. I think it was because he told me that he spends his summers in the north and his winters in the south, and I was like well then you need 2 ladies. He was like “No, I won’t ever do that, I’m not a cheater. I don’t believe in it. I need to find a lady that wants to come with me down south and stay with me up north.” He said, “If they aren’t meeting my needs and keeping me happy then I’ll just leave them, but I won’t cheat.” “Once you cheat,” he says, “the relationship is just never the same. It can never go back to how it was and it’s not worth it.”

This made me think a little bit as this was some interesting relationship advice from our hitch hiking companion. It is also something I have personally went through and I’m sure many others have dealt with this before. This leads us into the philosophical, probably boring, exploration of origins and the meaning of the word cheat.

The word cheater is something that gets thrown around a lot, what I want to do is examine scenarios, situations, and definitions that surround this word just for shits and giggles to define, redefine, what makes a cheater a cheater. Although no matter what I say, you will probably hold to your own opinions, regardless, I think there are certain scenarios that present themselves that make a cheater not really a cheater.

Consider the following definitions of cheating:

“There is a wide spectrum of what cheating means. When in a committed relationship, the definition of

cheating is based on both parties’ opinions, and both parties may redefine their understanding to match the party at an either lower or higher extreme of this definition. Cheating constitutes doing anything, whether verbal or physical, that one would not do in front of their significant other.”

“Many people consider cheating to be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship”

Make you ask any questions? See cheating is subject to the opinions of the involved parties, and if those parties think something isn’t cheating, that you think is, then how can you over rule them with your opinions and say they are cheaters?

What would or wouldn’t you do verbally or physically in front of your significant other? Would you kiss someone else? Three some perhaps? Would you say someone else is attractive?

Depending on your relationship with your person, some of these may be acceptable, especially if you’re in an open relationship. So what if you the other person is okay with you doing any of those things in front of them? Is that cheating?

What if they aren’t okay with it, you do it anyways, but stay with you? Are they then allowing you to cheat? And if they are allowing it, can it be called cheating?

Now consider the definition of the word cheating in a non relationship sense:

“to practice fraud or deceit”

If your significant other knows exactly what you are doing, is it fraudulent or deceptive? The answer is no. How can it be? The act of deception is essentially the act of lying.

So are cheaters only cheaters who interact with people other than their significant other in ways not allowed based on mutually agreed upon terms, if and only if, the other party is not aware of it?

So if your significant other is aware of what you are doing and they either agree to it or don’t leave you, are they not okaying it? If they don’t agree to it and you do it but they know about it, are you a cheater or is there another fitting word besides that, perhaps Jackass?

What if you told them well ahead of time what you were going to do and they didn’t do anything about it when they knew it was coming?

What if, what if, what if…

I know a couple who was in an open relationship, they were allowed to virtually do anything they wanted with anyone and it was okay, but the rule was, they had to tell each other about it, before hand if possible, but definitely right after something happened. This worked fairly well for them for a long time but then the wife was having sex with a guy in another state while on temporary duty and didn’t tell the husband about it. There were serious issues about it when he found out. So even in an open relationship, it seems to me, from my limited experience, that the act of cheating is found in the act of deceiving or lying, not in the act itself.

Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions in the comment box below!