When Two People Eventually Agree
One of the most common misconceptions of discussions and arguments is that if you can prove yourself right that the other person is automatically wrong. Unfortunately there’s a lot of issues that normally arise from trying to prove yourself right and being right doesn’t mean the other person is wrong.
Before we get into that, it’s kind of obvious to point out that most of the time each person is usually half right in what they are saying. This means that most of the time no one is entirely wrong or right.
When two people are trying to push a point across it may seem like the other person has an opposing view but this is not always the case. I’ve been in situations before where I’ve spent days and hours arguing with someone only to find out that they were describing the same idea / thing I was except in a completely different way.
During a heated argument the other person starts to get the hint that you’re not understanding what they are telling you. After they’ve been talking to you and listening to you (hopefully) they will start to explain things in words and ways they think you will understand.
On many occasions after several hours of debate, I’ve had the other person that “disagreed” with me, restate in almost identical words the very first thing I said that started the argument. Then I say to them, “That’s exactly what I told you three hours ago.” And they usually reply with, “Oh really, I didn’t think that’s what you were talking about.”
This leads me to the conclusion that people are more apt to talk than to try to understand another person. A lot of time could be saved by trying to understand the viewpoint of another person before you speak.
They say people appear brighter until they speak because light travels faster than sound.
I’ve been in arguments that have lasted weeks only to hear them finally say something that’s so agreeable that I actually have to stop and ask them why there was any disagreement in the first place.
I’m not going to lie to you, even though the english dictionary is readily available, some people use words that mean something entirely different to them than what they mean in the dictionary. Some people combine words using unique definitions of each word into phrases that mean something no one but themselves could comprehend.
It happens, so that’s why it’s necessary to listen to others talk and explain their points in as many ways as they need to. It may sound like they’re saying the same thing but eventually they’ll say something that will mean something to you and you’ll look at that person and be like
“Why are we even arguing, apparently we agree.”
When Two People “Disagree” But Aren’t Discussing The Same Topic
The above covers when both people actually agree and would be “right”. But what happens in a lot in arguments is two people are talking about a subject they really don’t know much about. Worse off, each person is usually talking about a small part of that subject that the other person really has no idea about.
It starts to get funny when two people are arguing about a process but each person is describing a part of the process where both people are technically right but they keep telling each other they are wrong.
I thought about providing examples but there would be too many and too personal. But think of a time when you finally understood someone else in an argument and you said to them, “Okay I understand what you’re saying, but that’s not even remotely close to what I’m talking about, nor is it even related to the topic. Why are you telling me this?”
They may respond with something like, “I thought that’s what we were talking about!”
The Worst Type of People to Argue With or Even Talk to for That Matter
The worst type of people to argue or discuss things with is those that can’t stand up on their own in the argument and always have to ask or call someone.
The problem is not that they feel the need to ask or call someone but the problem is that the people they are asking or calling will almost always agree with just about anything they say. The people who wouldn’t agree with them that they do call don’t have a chance because the person calling them leads them with loaded question, kind of like leading a witness, they don’t really have a chance to do anything but agree because of how the question was phrased.
These people have the audacity to say “See I told you so.” and you’re like “What the fuck.. you didn’t even ask them the right thing.”
You’re wondering how anything they asked that person has to do with anything you said or were talking about, but now you think they are a big asshole for involving someone else.
Don’t do this to people, it’s not right, and it’s highly offensive and honestly you need to be hit on the side of the face with a 2×4 for being an egotistical asshole.
The first rule of any disagreement is that it remains between just the two of you until you both agree to take it elsewhere, no exceptions. If you want to go off and talk to someone else do it when you’re not in the presence or in conversation with the person you disagree with.
Have you ever had to stand there while someone called someone to ask them a loaded question about a disagreement you’re having?
This takes away from the discovery part of an argument that allows two people to come together and understand each other, which to me is the entire point of why you’d even discuss anything with another person.
The reward is coming to an agreement and understanding between each other, not being told you’re right or wrong by a third party you didn’t approve of.
If you’ve been in that situation before, what were you thinking?
You were thinking you’d like to punch them or hit them with a blunt object right? Or at least tell them off? At the very least you feel embarrassed and insulted right?
The right thing to do if you’re going to call one of your friends is to first determine together what the exact wording of the question(s) you are going to ask. Agree on what you’re asking this person and agree that they are qualified to provide an opinion on this matter. If you can’t agree on the question(s) to ask then you’re already not far enough into the conversation to be able to ask someone.
If you feel that you are then what you do is let your friend ask the person you’re calling their question first and explain it in their view, then let the person you called respond. After that you can come up and give your point of view and let them give you their opinion.
Always let the person you’re arguing with ask your friend the first question and never just ask what you want and hang up. You always have to allow the other person to be heard or you just need to be hit with a blunt object like I said above.
If you follow these rules in discussions and arguments, you’ll be respected a lot more and you might actually start to understand this person which is magic in itself.