If you thought you were in a relationship that was going fine and then all of a sudden your significant other up and left and you don’t understand why you may suffer from OPB (Obsessive Possessive Behavior).
OPB is exactly what it says, the act of being obsessed with being possessive. This type of behavior is a silent killer of all relationships, friend, family, and lovers. The people around you slowly drift away out of your grasp without much of a word.
You spend your life alone, wondering what’s wrong with you to the point where you identify minor flaws while ignoring the major ones in your life that has pushed everyone out of it.
If you feel broken and alone when you are by yourself. If you are constantly trying to find someone to be with. If you have to post status updates on social networks about being lonely or wanting to just spend time with someone. If you’re overly emotional and cry easy…well you might have a chemical imbalance for this one, but these are all signs of Obsessive Possessive Behavior.
It’s hard enough to deal with a person who is obsessed over someone or something but when their obsession is possession, regardless of what it is they possess, it becomes difficult because possessive people can be monstrous. When what they wish to possess is another person — it becomes dangerous.
So here’s how I discovered this behavior.
I have a friend, or had a friend, that went through a breakup with someone she was engaged too. After the breakup she would post status updates all the time and share quotes about being lonely, sad, and you name it. You probably know people like this on your facebook, they are called “Emo’s”, so you know what I am talking about.
After the breakup all of a sudden she became “best” friends with my girlfriend and became one of my friends as well, to the point where we had invited her over and hung out with her a few times.
The backstory of the breakup has her boyfriend breaking it off with her because he decided he wanted to pursue school out of state and it wasn’t fair to her for them to be so far apart. I never accepted this position from someone who wanted to be engaged but was forced to try to consider it. I finally figured out that this had nothing to do with the break up and that it was conveniently used as a reason for the breakup. Whether or not her ex will pursue school is irrelevant.
The culprit behind the breakup is her ex’s best friend who lives states away now. Someone who didn’t like their friends girlfriend, for unknown reasons. This was pawned off to me as this friend and the ex having a “bromance” and that her ex did whatever the friend said.
I’m a guy so this sounds strange and I don’t accept it but I let it slide. There’s always more to the story.
So at this point from absolutely one side I’m led to believe that this relationship ended because he decided he wanted to go to school out of state and this idea was planted in his head by his friend that referred to this guys girlfriend as “dead weight.”
In my head I’m thinking that if there is truth to this, perhaps he is planning to go to school by his friend. However, I’m led to believe by the girls, that it’s because of other chicks so they can go out and have a good time without concern for the “dead weight.” Lol, girls will be girls always thinking guys are up to no good.
Dead weight to me identifies someone as having no real purpose, is draining, has no ambition, and has no goals. I can see why someone would call her dead weight. It must be exhausting to watch a girl you’re with put up provocative pictures on facebook all day for other guys to see and complain about being alone or misunderstood.
But this does not lead to obsessive possessive behavior. This is a form of codependency and neediness, the opposite of an independent person. So at this point I have one side of the story and I’m at codependency for this person which can break up a relationship in a heartbeat, well Sherlock, case solved you can go home, but I’m not satisfied.
I decided to get involved with this girls life and got my girlfriend interested in helping her through her hard time. With barely knowing this person at all except on facebook, and from a few weeks of texts — this girl quickly identifies my girlfriend as her best friend. In any type of dispute she takes my girlfriends word over mine no matter how wrong it is. Something fishy here tells me to dig deeper. I have few best friends and most of them I’ve known for most of my life.
I get the chance to ask her a few questions about herself. I learn that she has insecurities and considers herself flawed. Through talks I understand that she believes nobody wants to be with her. I think now we’re getting somewhere. I’m looking at a person that I am guessing at this point has low self esteem because she’s been constantly beaten down. This is an easy fix.
So I ask her what she’d do if she accepted herself and didn’t have these flaws, and she has no answer, because she hasn’t imagined herself without flaws. Instead, she becomes emotional and breaks down into tears and my gf rushes her off to comfort her. Now these weren’t tough or insulting questions, just questions with easy answers asked in a friendly manner but she broke down, and now I’m the bad guy. Fuck trying to help someone at this point.
Being the good guy that I am, when I got home I send her an apology and told her what I thought of her. I tried to lift her up by telling her that she doesn’t have flaws, that she is beautiful, and that she’s a good person. I relate my relationship problems I’ve had with her to let her know that I trust her and that not everything is as it appears and everyone has problems.
The next day I reaffirmed the same thing and told her all she really needed was a mirror to remind herself of how great she is. A little bit funny and deeply philosophical, but she missed the entire message of what I was saying to her — that reality doesn’t agree with what she thinks about herself. So what happens next is what revealed the rest of the mystery to me.
She went behind my back without saying anything to me and told my girlfriend I was flirting with her and acting shady, then sent her the messages she got from me. Keep in mind that my gf has access to all of my accounts and messages already. But this girls first response to someone telling her something positive about herself, something she probably doesn’t hear from anyone unless they are trying to get something from her, is that I was doing something wrong.
So she plants this seed in my girlfriends head trying to cause drama between us. If you really think about what she did, no one gained from it. This makes me feel like she might be slightly retarded.
To betray me, someone that was positive toward her and willing to help her, not only breaks my trust but reveals herself as just a pretend friend. A pretend friend why though? Well, a pretend friend because she was acting in order to dominate her best friend. She delivered a message that she felt was secretive or done with ill intentions to her best friend, surely she should be rewarded. But the reality is the messages contained nothing of value to back up anything she said.
Now she has offended me and I will no longer help her, not only that, but naturally I will warn my gf about helping her because she is just a user. The only reason she is “best” friends with my gf is because my gf has been helping her out. The minute she doesn’t need help is the minute she doesn’t need a friend.
So that puts my gf in the position of having to choose one or the other and to miss out on time we could have all went out and did something as friends thanks to the awkwardness this girl created. This will result in this girl getting less friend time and on top of that, I have a problem with my significant other associating with people that I can’t trust and are willing to talk badly behind my back. Sorry, I’m a cautious person and I’ll question their intentions. It would seem her intention is to break me from my gf just like her ex’s best friend broke him from her, which is the only thing shady going on.
So then the puzzle came together.
Her ex broke up with her because she is obsessive and possessive with him. She is codependent, needy, and draining. She is too much for him. He probably feels that he can’t get things he wants done without having to worry about her being so needy and nagging him. This would include school. He is frightened, as is his best friend, that he won’t be able to have any friends or be friends with him any longer.
So what his friend did was actually noble of him. It’s not a bromance, it’s a good friend looking out for his friend by warning him that this girl is dead weight. She’s going to dominate and possess your life the way she has been. This friend recognized a pattern and warned his friend about it. So the culprit is actually the hero and the puzzle is solved.
Now I must do my part and warn my gf about this girl so that she can avoid being possessed or being forced to choose between me and her. After All, we have a family and a life to live together, no one has time for possessive friends that are needy. No one can win from these circumstances.
I hope this story helped you identify the Obsessive Possessive people in your life. So how can you help someone like this?
You probably can’t, they have a chemical imbalance and probably need some type of drugs to begin a treatment. But what you can do if you’re going to help someone like this is, be single, be positive toward them, but keep your distance. You don’t want to try to help someone like that if you’re in a relationship because they will try to destroy that relationship. You don’t want to help someone with these issues and get sucked in
They are predators. The black widow that eats the male after they finish mating. Be warned.
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