This is part 2 of 4 on the best way to discipline your child. In my previous post I talked about being disciplined as a kid. I also mentioned the three parenting strategies I have tried. This post is about my first strategy — physical discipline.
As a kid I took my fair share of beatings so I always resorted to physical intimidation to get what I wanted from others. This made me immune to other forms of punishment.
I set a school record for most detentions. One of my teachers sent me to in school suspension three days in a row because I entered the classroom with a smirk on my face. In school suspension involves sitting in a chair and staring at a clock until school is finished.
It didn’t phase me — it was just a game. I continued to misbehave because I could get away with it. I knew the teachers were not allowed to hit the students.
What threats can you make to a student that’s used to physical discipline?
If they had taken me out in the hall and flogged me for everyone to see — I would have never acted up again.
Physical discipline works very well but most people don’t like getting beat up over silly things.
My complaint is not that it doesn’t work. It’s not that I think it’s child abuse. It’s that I don’t like dishing out pain to loved ones — it’s parental abuse.
It never feels right to spank a child. But I did it for my wife when she could no longer handle the children. I was her executioner, sent to do the dirty work on her behalf.
I wish I hadn’t because it left my mind scarred and I feel a deep sadness whenever I think about it.
How could anyone justify causing pain to their child when they say they would do anything for them — even take a bullet without a second thought?
In the movie Lord of the Rings when Frodo is set on leaving the group, Aragorn tries to persuade him to stay by saying, “I swore to protect you.” Frodo responds with, “Can you protect me from yourself?”
Is there a loophole in this arrangement that allows you to protect your child from everything but yourself? Or should you also be included in this bond?
There is one exception: the punishment must fit the crime. If your child physically hurts someone else, they need to understand what they did and how that person felt. I don’t think telling them not to hit is enough. If they are willing to hit they should probably be hit in return. The punishment must make sense, no exceptions.
I wonder if my parents felt the same way when they gave out spankings. It doesn’t bother me much today but maybe it bothers them.
I spanked my children because that’s what I was taught to do while growing up.
In the past whipping or stoning someone would cause fear and compel them to comply. Public displays were made so others would get a taste of that fear. I don’t think that’s something we should do to others — it doesn’t feel right.
We don’t want people to comply because they fear us, we want them to act appropriately because they understand us.
Kids get older and spankings actually seem childish. Like I’m really going to spank my 13 year old daughter? Come on. It’s one thing to spank a toddler lightly and tell them no but when these kids can talk and fight back it seems completely ridiculous.
There is a class of people that are treated this way, they are called slaves. Slaves all over the world are whipped and beaten until they do what they are told. When you resort to physical discipline with your children, there is no difference.
This is all I have to say about physical discipline. In the next post I’ll talk about coercion, the act of verbally or physically threatening a child to get them to do what you want.
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